Shanti at last

My dear A
She died yesterday- on 22/4/8.
The newspapers reported it thus "A middle aged woman jumped from the third floor of her house. She,who never recovered from the suicide of her teenaged daughter a few years back."

How could she? That event was variously described by the newspapers and in obituaries as a "senseless accident". This is the way a cry for help is often desribed- a senseless act on the spur of the moment.

I object.

You say her son did not deserve this. I say, she did not either.
Nobody deserves to be in a position where help is just not available.
Not when they seem to be surrounded by family and friends.

I am sorry.
For the people who remain behind- difficult for them to take responsibility and yet put down the cross. And wonder whether they would really not rather be there where she is.

I am glad.
That she died when she tried this time.
Or else, her situation would have been worse. It was not the first time she tried it. And how often can you afford to survive your suicide attempts!!!
The law does not allow you to fail attempts at killing yourself. The society anyway prefers it if you are successful at what you do.

It is so inconvenient for people to have someone who keeps pointing out that they are not listening to a call for help. Makes people feel small, and nasty generally. Generates anxieties about themselves that they cannot deal with in the specified allotted time frame on their daily hygiene calendar.

Requires action – a disturbance in their chosen life styles – the one where they persure their own happiness. Implies a fault in their current set of choices.

Ultimately, it is so much more convenient to applaud a success than to support failures. And then this is a rare social opportunity where success of another can be  condoled- extremely satisfactory from the point of view of the living.

I congratulate her for her success.
For beating some of us to the goal post- a freedom from the desire for freedom.

I envy her.
As I did often in her life time.
As bottom line evaluations go, this one to me, is a positive close to a life account.
An acceptance of her reality with all her heart,mind, soul and body.

I bow to her- as a representative of the people who bear pain for as long as they can- and then pass on.

For in passing on, we are all finally as equal as God made us.
Good bye and Godspeed to her.

You are right- it was her choice and she made it.

I would like to believe that she deserved to be happy- and that this act made her supremely happy - in her triumph. She did her very best- and at last it worked.

Cheers

Smita